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Post by k a t i e ~ on Sept 4, 2007 19:56:56 GMT -5
((I apologize if this post isn't as long! ;~; ANYWAYS.
Aw, that's so sweet! He wiped her tears. <3)) Fate had done it's job. It had forced Katie to explode, to share a puzzle piece of her spiraling personality, forced her to cry, to act the way she did. Perhaps fate was Katie's Mother, but she would never do something so cruel to her own daughter? Or, could it be? Was she not being cruel? Was she trying to open up her daughter to the real world? To pry her from the tight fist of depression? We'll have to wait and see. Katie could easily tell Tom didn't know what to do after her reaction. She, too, was lost, as he was. Blinking, she realized what had just happened. She had just spilled the haunting memories of her past to Tom. Tom the smart alec. Tom the arrogent one. Tom. Pressing her fingers against her temples, Katie forced a sigh from her lungs. Great. Now her life was ruined. Tom would no doubt take advantage of these facts, tauting her, hauting here just like a distant memory. She couldn't bare herself to face the facts, like always. She chose to hide and cower in a corner; to let things grab the reins and take hold of her life for her. Katie wasn't even leading her own life. She was slowly easing herself back into the pits of nonexistance, where nobody knew her, and nobody cared. Nothing had ever changed. Lukiema was still steering her horse, and Katie was hanging on desperatly by the tail, not daring to let go, not daring to die, not allowing Lukiema to take her life like it did her Mother's. But that was months ago. Now the only thing keeping her aboard her horse was the fact that she had a life, and, miracously, there were still people out there that loved her, and she didn't want to be the bringer of any pain to them...she didn't want to make them suffer the same way she did. No, never. Swallowing, Katie blinked away fresh tears, fearful to speak. She felt her hands shaking and her venoumous blood pulsing madly through her body. Time seemed to be slowing on her, as if something dramatic, something were about to happen. Tom's movements were slow, and Katie felt as though it would take her ten seconds just to raise her arm. Closing her eyes for a moment, the sixteen year old struggled to get things straight. She didn't know what to think, or what to do, or if she should move or speak. All her focus was on Tom, awaiting his reaction. After minutes of awkward, eerie silence, an apology reached her ears. Katie couldn't help but appreciate the effort, but she couldn't bring herself to meet Tom's SILVERY GREY eyes. The silence entered again, but this time, no awkwardness fell upon it. It was just...silence. Neither of them knew what to do, but they both sort of knew what to say, how to react. Katie, however, hadn't been in a social situation like this in, well, to be honest, years. She hadn't gotten angry and blown up in a while, either, so it felt rather good to do such a thing, but no happiness entered Katie's small world. Only sharp, intense pangs of longing for the lost. No matter how hard she tried, Katie just couldn't bring herself to feel happy. She was in too deep...too far away from the real world to really connect with it. She was suddenly getting the feeling the Tom felt simillar, too, considering neither one of them had made a move in the last few minutes. Blinking once more, Katie struggled to get her head straight. What should she say? Obviously, she couldn't go on saying nothing, and she couldn't wait for Tom to say something else. But she would, because she was lost. Katie didn't know what to do or what to say or how to react. That was...well, it was Luekiema's job, and Katie knew so. No matter how much it pained her that that fact was eerily true, she couldn't bring herself to fully believe it. She had to be in control somewhat, right? After all, she has a working brain and almost a full Highschool education. And a disease was controlling her life. More of Tom's words reached her ears. Perhaps she did put up a good fight, Katie wasn't sure, but she didn't put up a strong enough fight. She didn't put up a strong enough fight for her Grandma and Grandpa, she didn't put up a strong enough fight for her cousins and nieces and nephews. She didn't put up a strong enough fight for anyone...because she died, and those who knew her closley knew she had the power in her to keep fighting...but she chose not to, and the minute she did, she stopped fighting. And she died. She let all those people down, ...all those people. It pained Katie to think about her Mother, and she could literally feel a growing pit of grieve growing steadily in her stomach. Forcing a sigh from her lungs and closing her eyes, the sixteen year old pulled a block of hair from her face, unsure of what to do. And then...she felt the same giant hand touch her again, this time being gentle and kind, something she never knew Tom could be. She felt him carefully sweep away her tears, even if it was hard for him to so. Katie, at first, had jumped, snapping her eyes open, but relaxed slightly once she felt the gentle touch of his hand. However, nothing but grief exploded inside her like a timebomb. Her Mother had always done the same thing when Katie cried, and all she had done was collapse in her arms and cry the night away. She could even feeling her legs beginning to wobble, preparing her to colapse, but Katie did her best to stay standing upright. Turning away from Tom, Katie only mumbled a single thing. Something she knew would get Tom's temper churning again. She had to say it, she had to let him know. Swallowing painfully, Katie forced herself to talk, not daring to face Tom. "I gave up fighting a long time ago."
((-Done.- Once again, spell check wouldn't work. I tried but...just excuse any misspelled words. I'm sure there are a ton.))
The worst is over now and we can breathe again I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open And I don’t feel like I am strong enough ‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away
‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome [/size]
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TOM ;;
New Member
Corn
Posts: 25
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Post by TOM ;; on Sept 5, 2007 19:58:09 GMT -5
[Erlack! Dun like. >.<]
It is a terrifying moment, to watch a ship sink. At first, it groans, creeks as the water explodes against its side. Next, the cries from the hull are eye shattering as the people realize they are destined to die. More than likely, the thing will spill over the side, crash upside down in the water. And then, slowly, it goes under.
To say a ship sinks is not something that has to happen in water. Not even about a ship, really. For example, a ship was sinking right in front of me. Katie was the ship, and this mental image she had of this disease taking her, was the water.
Now, in all cases – real water or not – there is an issue that needs to be addressed. How do you rescue the people? How do you right the ship so you may safely get all these people off – so none are left dead?
The answer is difficult to express in terms with words. Most likely, you can’t. A ship itself it designed to stay above water. So when the water is in it – is it not designed to stay under the water?
So that leaves us with one last option – save the people in extreme conditions were you, yourself, can die. You, the rescuer, or the people, in need of rescues? Which one would be better? Selfishness, or selfless?
Most people, when asked verbally, they simply say they’d save the people. It was human life – why destroy it when there is a chance? But when it comes down to it – people are too selfish for those acts of kindness.
And here was my moment of truth. A ship was sinking, it had been sinking for years, yet there was still someone, clinging to life. Take it, or leave it?
Even though this had nothing to do with my own life – I felt it as a difficult situation. I had a fear of those I cared about being ripped away from me, so fast – yet here, this had happened to her. Not just a fear anymore, but a living nightmare that she had to deal with each day.
It saddened me to even look at her. But, inside, I knew this wasn’t what she wanted. She didn’t want pity – she just wanted to be left alone to wallow, to sink into the icy depths of her own mind.
Which, I decided in the last few seconds, I wasn’t going to let happen. Call it being a desperate situation if you must, but I felt compelled to do it.
Why let another suffer when there was a chance to help? It was a pointless thing I rolled around in my head often. Human nature was something I was attached too, but I kept a good fight to destroy it from myself.
Stiffly, I continued to stay, a distance away. Truth, and in utter honest, I was scared. Terrified of the mere sight of the girl. My jaw clicked uselessly as I focused on what was ahead.
I had been awful to her already – I would hold no surprise if she turned and ran away at the moment. But instead, she wobbled, furiously before turning away.
I held back a sigh of regret. Good lord, man, you knew this was going to happen the moment it came up and the words were out of your mouth.
But did you care? No. And the excuse, again, was only myself. I was the jerk, the bad guy in the situation. And I really, truly needed to make it not so.
And here was my glorious chance. The ship was sinking, gradually kissing the water’s underbelly. Here I was, the lone one for miles. I could try at my best to set it right.
Right?
I still believed it was the thought that counted each time – but sometimes, there was no room for mistakes. None. If there was a simple error, it was over.
Suddenly, I felt awkward. Too built up, too tall, to .. outcasted to do this.
But then she was wobbly, and I could see her. Her legs trembled first, and .. the look in her eye was mystifying. She knew she wasn’t holding up, but she chose to hide it.
I didn’t catch her words, my focus wasn’t so great. However, I was there. My attempt to be gentle was over powering, except I was still here.
My hand had slipped, poised just inches off the small of back while I eyed with a powerful eye. “Don’t lie. Are you okay?”
It may be because she was .. sick I was acting as such. But I liked to believe it was because she was the sinking ship, and I was left to be the rescuer.
I wanted so bad to apologize right then and there for my actions earlier. Except.. something inside of me knew she wouldn’t take them so well. Or atleast, believed so. I allowed my brow to furrow deep with worry and an apologetic hint to it.
As much as I hated to admit it, my work and Scout could work. I didn’t want someone to be so hurt, so turned on themselves because I never had the thought to try and help.
Plus, it helped me focus off my own obsession with perfection. I was glad to keep it brushed to the side, unconcerned with it.
Besides, she didn’t have to know about it. No one did. No one had to worry about me. I could be independent. I had been for the last seventeen years – why stop now?
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Post by k a t i e ~ on Sept 6, 2007 6:19:36 GMT -5
((...Ooo-kay, let's see how good my writing skills are super early in the morning, shall we? Oh, I /tried/ to write in first person, but, well...it didn't turn out so well. WARNING: THIS POST IS CRAP. Dx )) Many of us tend to keep our emotions locked up inside of us, hidden behind a smile or a joyus laugh. You would go through the whole day like this, holding it all in, in silent pain. You're waiting, waiting, to get home, to let it all out on the shoulder of someone you love - a mother, for example, or even an older sibling. You just...explode, cry the night away and ruin your mom's favorite shirt with a big wet spot perched right on her shoulder. Many of us have probably done something simillar in our lives, right? You bottle it all up for no one to hear, and then you go home, find a shoulder, and cry? Just cry and cry in the open arms of a loved one, because you know they'll always love you, no matter what you confess to. You can always come to them for support. But what happens if you have no one to go to?Welcome to Katie's life - a life where you have no one to go to, nowhere to hide, and you're at the end of thread. Your Mother's dead, your best friend's dead, and here was this new Groom trying his hand at human socilization. Oh, and here I was, bawling my eyes out, unsure of what to think. Yhea, welcome to my life. I'm not really sure what to feel - I feel like Leukiema has let go of the reins for a moment, leaving my "Horse of Life" riderless. Expect me, of course, but I'm literally clinging for life. I don't dare to move, I don't dare to take control of my life, my horse. I...I just can't. Something inside of me is like a barrier up to the empty saddle. Forcing a depressed sigh from my lungs, I pressed my fingers against my temple in utter confusion and pain. My blue-green eyes still carried that listless look, as if it was permanent. However, a lot was going on inside of me. I was almost fearful to turn around and face Tom, to meet his eerie grey eyes, but...I...I don't know. I almost felt like I had to. However, I...I don't want to. I can't. ...I can't. What if he yells at me again? If he strikes me? Or...tries to wipe my tears? I was still quite surprised about that, but the pain from it was still growing rapidly. Maybe I was afriad to turn around and face him because I was afriad I would collapse in his arms, an emotional blob of a sixteen year old letting it out on someone I barely know...just the idea made more longing for my Mother prickled uncomfortably inside me. Katie's chocolate brown hair spilled messily in front of her face, and tears dotted her face. However, she was silent. She did not sniff, or yell, or do anything like that. For her, crying was like an art. She knew how to control it...but not really how to stop it. She could force herself to sob silently or loudly; a lot or a little. Right now, she was completely out of control. She didn't know when she would stop crying, but she desperatly wanted to. Forcing yet another somber sigh from her lungs, Katie didn't know what to do. She was lost. Unsure. Wary. Memories threated to flash before her eyes, to haunt her of her horrific past. Katie seemed to grimace in disagreement as words of her Mother echoed in her ears. "Conquer the day, Honey, and you'll do great." "I never let my Leukemia hold me back. Don't you ever believe that. "...I'll always love you, even if I'm away from this earth. Always...always..." [/center] The last words hit her the hardest; Katie felt as though someone had just socked her in the gut. She felt the sudden need to be next to her Mother, to be comforted. Reassured, just like a little child. But she didn't care how childish it seemed; she needed her Mother right here, right now. And yet she never came. It is an odd thing, to know that your Mother is dead. Suddenly, you feel as though there's nowhere to run to when you need help, no one to turn to as backup. At a very early age, Katie learned to be independant, and she hated every bit of it. She hated the fact that she had no one to turn to when she was hurt, no one to comfort her. She was left to deal with her problems on her on, and also taught herself that only you will want to hear what's going on with your emotions - no one else cares, no one else can help, and one one else even wants to know. Even now, Katie still follows this. She is unaware that anyone cares about how she feels, or how she is today, or if she's alright. In many's world, she does not exist. There is no Katie Opin. There is no Jane Opin. There is no sixteen year old with broken soul. Some may think that a world with no Katie Opin may be a good thing, but...well, perhaps it wouldn't. If, by some miracle, someone, or something, were to heal Katie, fix her up, teach her to live, to hope, then she could become a loving friend, or a shoulder to cry on for others that need someone to lean on. She could even become a spokesperson for Leukiema, teaching people to hope, to be confident. Now, you tell me. What would a world be like without the real Katie Opin? Tom's question suddenly reached Katie's ears. At first, she said nothing; unsure. Pain was still looming over her, and grief was exploding inside of her. Was she okay? Hell no. He asked her not to lie...but something inside her itched, asking her to lie. This was the same path she had been following for years. Her thoughts echoed in her head. "No one wants to know about your emotions, Katie. No one ever did...what makes Tom so different?" Katie had a good debate on her hands...she wanted to be honest, but..well, her mind told her to lie. Tom had even asked her not to lie, he trusted her! Katie closed her eyes, reluctantly turning to face the Groom. Her hair fell in her face and messy chocolate bangs spilled over one eye. Forcing herself to speak, Katie said, "I haven't been okay in years." [/size]
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