you're going [DOWN]

[TOM ;;]

The wind had been picking up all morning, and now in the late afternoon it was angry. It swam like it was on fire, shaking everything in its wake. Trees groaned in utter agony as they bent with it, begging the wind to calm itself. Birds squawked in protest as nests were blown apart; animals huddled underneath any type of shelter they could accomplish. The clouds churned above, waiting for the silent call to allow the rain to drop and drown the ground.

And here I was, running across the lawn, wincing as the wind tore through my feeble windbreaker and into my skin. It was freezing – though I couldn’t understand why. My jaw moved, angrily as I finally jumped into the aisle of the massive barn. Silently, and cautiously, I moved around, eyeing the horses in each stall with the same look – a calculating eye that watched their reaction.

Some perked up, interested in what I wanted, while others shied away with a moment’s hesitation. Some, however, took the violent method, baring teeth and flat ears. I, of course, stayed calm and merely gave them another look before continuing along my path.

It was rather fascinating, the group that was here. I pondered this carefully as my fingers traced the name tags of each horse, none getting more attention than the other, none getting less.

Thunder cracked outside, causing me to blink out of my silent thoughts before turning back and clampering around to find the muck bucket and pitchfork. After successfully finding them, I dragged them both to the first stall – which was empty to my great pleasure – and began the slow process of perfection.

Halfway through, however, my clumsyness caught up with me and tugged. While turning around to put one load into the bucket, my foot caught my other foot, and I crashed down. In the process, the pitchfork hitched the bucket and the contents went tumbling along with myself.

A groan slipped from my lips as I stared blankly at the ceiling. How is this possible? Freak accidents, I’m sure. Muttering to myself the while, I stumbled up, and realized the bucket had fallen on me.

This was going to be a long day.
[/font]

[k a t i e ~]

((Great post! One thing, though. Check the weather! ;D))

Blue-green eyes were hidden behind a mess of tangled chocolate-brown bangs, their beauty hidden from anyone but those who have seen. Tall, faded riding boots clicked against the pavement in the stable aisle of the Front Barn, echoing around the barn, piercing the eerie silence. A few horses shot back into the corners of their stalls as Katie walked somberly through the stable aisle. Others only snorted in an interested manner, pushing their noses up against the petition bars. The sixteen year old shot them all glances that said, "Please, not now." She would then carry on walking, knowing, as the third person in charge here, that she had to greet newcomers whether she enjoyed it or not - and she didn't. Katie never enjoyed being around others, and she hasn't in a long time. Raising a hand, Katie pressed her fingers to her forehead and forced a depressed sigh from her naturally light pink lips, not wanting to be around anyone. Not now, not ever. The only thing she knew about this new person was that he was a guy and he had just been given the job of a Groom. 'Hopefully, not this barn. Some of the horses in here won't tolerate anyone but me and a few others." Raising her head, Katie stared at the horses, knowing they all had a depressing story hidden behind those eyes - just like her. She always enjoyed being in this barn because she felt as though she could relate to the beings around her.

Slowing adverting her gaze back to the floor, Katie continued to walk in her slow and listless manner, barely able to pick her feet up. Even though it was Spring, even though it was a gorgeous day out, something about it made Katie feel strong pangs of sorrow. Furrowing her thin eyebrows, the sixteen year old checked her watch. 12:07PM. A sharp, fresh shot of grief circulated through Katie like venom. The instant need to be left along was suddenly growing inside her...she didn't want to meet this new Groom, even if she had to. Not now, not at 12:07, Lord, not a 12:07. Forcing a swallowing and blinking back a torrent of tears, Katie tried to resist the urge to turn back and run....Bang! The noise snapped Katie out of her panic attack for a moment. Shooting upwards, her eyes gazed upon the person she didn't want to see - a guy that looked about her age. He was dressed for horried weather...sweatshirt, pants...oh yhea. And a bucket. No matter how funny a teenager wearing a bucket might have been, no urge to laugh grew inside Katie. Instead, she spiraled back into her attack. Realizing that new Grooms weren't supposed to start out in this barn, Katie forced herself to speak up and move towards the guy. Her steps were careful and reluctant.
"What are you doing? You shouldn't be starting out in this barn...this is where all the problem horses are housed."

Her tones were quiet and timid, and carried no air of concern for the new Groom, like some would have expected.[/size]

[TOM ;;]

The noise had set off a few horses, and I let out another groan before glancing at the stalls around me. Good job, kid. I slowly began to hum a quiet tone – a desperate attempt to sooth the horses as I slowly pulled the bucket off me and sat up.

However, a snappy voice broke through my attemption, and the hum got caught in my throat as I realized I’d been caught. I let out a deep breath, slowly, before concentrating on the words.

Good lord, was everyone just as snobby as they come? My jaw clicked as I shifted it – trying in vain to control the bubbling urge to yell. “Really? I never noticed.” The tone was sarcastic as my glare fell onto the voice – a small thing of a girl. I’m fine by the way. The voice inside my head was enjoying itself as it let out a growl of words.

I had no clue how old she was, but she was young. And did I care? Nope. She was a brat, off the bat, really. I should of listened to her, I should have apologized and scurried away.

But did I want to talk to someone? No. Then why even talk? I turned away from her and brushed off the debris that had stuck to my sweatshirt. Of course I was an oddity already – I was dressed in an absurd manner. But I did not want shavings in places that they didn’t belong, did I? Plus, it was my choice. Free country, brat.

My teeth gritted against each other as I moved back into the stalls. “You can leave now. I get it. You boss me around. Gotcha. Now can I finish?” The tone was bored, though I was border lining on becoming aggressive.

I didn’t need to be told I was doing something wrong – I was always doing something wrong. Everything was wrong with me.
[/font]

[k a t i e ~]

Katie seemed unaffected by the boy's tones. It seemed they were both unhappy to be around each other. She stopped quietly in her tracks, staring at the new Groom. Everything about him seemed to be...different. Baggy clothes in seventy degrees? Wasn't he hot? Chocolate brown hair rippled slowly behind her as a light breeze blew in, shooting Katie with a torrent of warm air. However, she didn't seem to notice. As the Groom continued to speak to her, she wondered when he realized that she really wasn't listening. She was lost. The horses around her were all backed into the corners of their stalls, whites of their eyes showing tremedously. "Sorry." Katie thought to them, forcing a sorrowful swallow. No anger was building up inside her, more anticipation - she was expecting him to explode any second. Walking reluctantly towards the Groom, she looked him over for a minute, eyes soaking in every detail they could find...there were a few scars on his face, but Katie thought nothing of them. "As clumsy as he seems, he could've gotten them anywhere." Swallowing, Katie spoke again, in the same tones as before. "You're going to get hurt. Some of these horses have been in servere trauma and will charge at anyone. ...I really don't want to see another death." Her last sentece, Katie's eyes fell to the ground, her hair falling with them to conceal them like a bodyguard.

After a few seconds, however she forced herself to look up again, but her eyes fell on the scattered objects. Brushes, a can of leather oil, two hoofpicks...without a word, she squatted down and picked up it's contents, focusing on the task. Nothing was really going through her mind...she was just...lost. Easing herself back onto her feet, Katie swallowed, the silence between them heating up into what could mean a fit for the new Groom. He was supposed to be in the Back Barn, not this one. Biting her lip, Katie forced herself to speak.
"Katie Opin." Her tones were just over a whisper, and she held out a reluctant hand for a handshake. Any educated person could tell that she was extremely uncomfortable in her situation. After all, everyone knows that two anti-social people...don't mix well together.

[TOM ;;]

Silently, I continued to scrape clean at the stall. I didn’t want to talk – but she made me angry. Furious, even. So I had to talk – just to prove to her I wasn’t a weak thing and I would fight it. Like that would ever work.

My jaw twitched again. Why wasn’t I yelling yet? “You make it sound like it’s the horse’s fault.” A sneer had eloped my features as I looked down on the girl. I didn’t have a tolerance for anyone who blamed the horse – and this was no exception.

I continued to ignore her orders of leaving – I was not leaving the stall unfinished. But to be truthful, it was hot. Like .. steaming, killing me hot. My hand swept into my hair, tousling the locks before I gripped the pitchfork with sweaty hands and slowly began to do my job. No matter if she was still here or not.

But then she had to go and speak again. I swallowed a sigh to be the least bit civil as she spoke out her name. Katie? Original. Though I couldn’t say because of my flat out name.

Then, she had to go and offer her hand to shake. I cringed before I could think about it. I tried to be sly about taking a step back, but my foot hit the bucket with a bang. Thankfully, I didn’t trip, and nothing fell.

I could feel the sadness seeping into my eyes as I stared at her hand, my mouth opening and closing a few times before I controlled myself. I allowed my emotions to wipe clean as I stiffly nodded to her in acknowledgement. “Tom Mason.”

I could almost laugh out loud at the scene. We were both awkward, unsure of how to place ourselves. Both our gazes wouldn’t meet. A small smirk slowly wound it’s way onto my lips. Great. Too unsocial kids in a clan.
[/size]

[k a t i e ~]

Eyes still carrying that listless look, Katie listened to the Groom's words, taking them all into consideration. Her mind began to fizz with thoughts, actions, words. If this Groom felt like being a smart alec, then he might as well be one. At least he knew something about horses. Eyes falling onto the concrete floors, Katie felt the depression in her rise. Here she was, trying to be nice, and the new Groom snaps at her? Surprsingly, no anger bubbled inside of her, but pain. It's hard to get Katie angry, but easy to get her upset, which might be even worse. Forcing a soft sigh from her lungs, Katie spoke once more, no matter how much it pained her. "It is never the horse's fault, but the owner's. I know so all too well. I didn't mean to speak of it that way." Her tones were serious and soft; a bit of her pride had been sucked out of her. It had been a while since someone had decided to tell her off. Swallowing once more, Katie looked at the stall he was mucking, watching his every movements. His anger was being taken out on the old pitchfork, and Katie could tell. She didn't really care; she was more glad that he didn't take it out on her.

Forcing herself to speak again, Katie stared at the groom for a moment more, eyes hovering over him. She really didn't want...Tom...to get killed in this barn, not on the first day. Maybe he would like to do something else? Exercise a few horses? Re-paint the pipe corral? No - she exercised most of the horses in the morning and the pipe corral was just painted last month. Biting her lip and forcing a swallow, the silence in between the two grew eerily. Katie didn't want to end the introduction on a bad note, but she didn't really have any other choice. Silently turning and walking away, Katie walked slowly down the aisle, looking into each horse's stall, mind bubbling with thoughts. She leaned against one stall of a horse she knew was friendly - just green. With a soft voice, Katie spoke to the three year old Palomino better than Tom.
"Hey, Nelson. Is your hay good? How are ya?"

Katie's tones were soft and gentle, kind. She enjoyed talking to horses more than she did people. Of couse, she didn't expect and answer...she knew they were there to listen.

[TOM ;;]

Somehow, I thought I would get satisfaction in proving Katie wrong. But I didn’t. It felt odd, like an uneasy sense of dread in my stomach. I paused, growing frustrated at the swirl of disagreement. I ruffled my hair with an annoyance vibe before I set the pitchfork against the wall and slunk out of the stall.

“Look I-“ My voice suddenly caught in my throat, and I quickly slammed my mouth shut in utter horror. Of course, I should of thought what I was going to say. Apologize? Naw. Too late now. My brow creased, eloping my features into a scene of pondering before I glanced back awkwardly at the girl who by now was nearing the end of the barn. “Sorry? “ It was a feeble attempt, though it most likely wasn’t loud enough to be heard by her.

But I had tried, at least. Awkwardly, I shifted my weight from foot to foot before finally clearing my throat. “Um – so where do I go now?” my gaze was set down - away from her and her human ways.

I allowed a soft sigh to slip through my chest as I waited, barely patient, for her answer. Of course I was the jerk around here. My first impressions were never that well, and it seemed that would never change.

Nervously, I picked at the spots of shavings over my sweatshirt, wondering truly how odd I looked in this outfit. It was smothering hot, a thing I had to keep reminding myself. But I had other clothes in my truck – something I knew I was going to use once I got around to riding Scout.
My eyes slowly drifted back to glance at her, in a new manner of perspective. Then it happened. I didn’t even think about it. “Do you ride?” The words were out of my mouth before I could blink – and I stared in horror at her. I hadn’t meant to speak. I just get so giddy when Scout comes up and things .. happen. Just like me being clumsy.

“Sorry – I shouldn’t have asked.” I nodded, congratulating myself in the smooth save. Please.
[/size]

[k a t i e ~]

Katie seemed to be paying no attention to Tom's fumbled words. She was focused on Nelson, who was also focused on Katie. His tiny golden ears were flicked towards her and he had walked up to her, muzzle pressed against the petition bars. The sixteen year old reach out a hand and stroked what she could reach of the tiny pink muzzle. It was so soft, like velvet. She had always loved the feeling. With a final sigh as she bid goodbye to the little colt, Katie turned, boots scuffing the floor and squealing softly. A few of the horses jumped back in their stalls, eyes rolling. Blue-green eyes now focused on Tom, who seemed to be having quite a struggle with his words. Katie noticed that his anger seemed to have drained as he gently propped the pitchfork against the stable wall. She listened closley to his jumbles of words and was just able to make them out. Taking a few relutanct steps towards Tom in a slightly forgiving manner, Katie whispered, in her same soft and serious tones, "...The Back Barn is where you should be." Her sentence was short and to the point; she wasn't enjoying this encounter as much as Tom was.

As he continued to speak, Katie slowly walked back over to him. She seemed almost...uncertain, wary, as if she thought he was going to suddenly turn on her. With those same listless eyes, Katie glanced at Tom, not knowing what to think. Why was he being so nice all of a sudden? Did he pity her? If he did, that meant that he was trying to become closer...swallowing, Katie tightened up her shoulders. Her blood was beginning to feel like a poison again. Pressing her fingers against her temples with a depressed sigh, Katie knew she had to tell him. Better now then never. "Tom...look, I know you're trying to make up for your anger, to get closer...but...well, I don't know if that's for the best." Katie paused, a bit hesitant with her words.

"Did anyone tell you that I have Lukiema?"

There. She said it. Now he knew, and now Tom would stay away, too freaked out to really realize that she wasn't all that different...on the outside. Her blood continued to rush through her body like a toxin, and Katie could feel her heart beating hard. What would Tom think about her blunt delivery of such an important fact? Katie ignored his final words, expecting him to forget them as this fact shot him right the chest like a fifty caliber. Katie was fearful to take another step.

[TOM ;;]

The more she spoke, the more I wanted to laugh in her face. Of course, how polite would that be? She was basically my boss, and it wasn’t the best idea to piss off someone that high. I did, however, have trouble fighting the smile that was begging across my lips. I wasn’t worried about the fact that she told me where to go, no, that wasn’t funny.

It was the way she expressed herself – depressed, frustrated, annoyed at something. My brows lifted, comically, as I rested my shoulder against the frame of the stall. I half expected myself to lose my balance and fall, but I was able to keep myself right and concentrate on her words.

This time, I couldn’t help it. I let out a small chuckle, my head thingying a bit as it turned away from her, grinning widely. “You honestly though I was trying to make up for being snappy? Please. “ My head shook again, unnoticed that I was spraying sweat everywhere. “No. I was apologizing because you’re basically my boss, right? And besides, I disrespected you by not shaking your hand. That is why I was apologizing. Not because I wanted to get ‘close’.”

My head turned slightly, surprised but unyielding to show it. My eyes grazed away from her own, finding themselves tracing the outer wood as I spoke. “No, they didn’t. Frankly, it is none of mine or their business, as well.” I let a little distaste out at the state of gossip, but soon turned back to her, a light, teasing smirk winding its way across my lips. “So?” The word was softer, gentle as I stared at her, arms crossed against her chest. “Katie - everyone is going to die one day – you’ll just die the day you stop fighting it. Now, I doubt that’s going to happen tomorrow. Why not live today?”

With my words still hanging out in the air, I turned away, grabbed the doormat pitchfork and bucket and proceeded to clean up my light mess before stowing them in the proper place. I turned, clearing my throat as I looked at Katie with light eyes. “So where’s this Back Barn?”
[/size]

[k a t i e ~]

((Ooo...unexpected reaction! <33))

For a minute, Katie thought that Tom hadn't heard her - he just continued to babble on and on about how he hadn't apologized because he wanted to get closer, as Katie expected, but because she was his boss. Pain exploded inside of her. So, not exactly the most friendly person, hm? With a heavy swallow, Katie stared back down at the floor, eyes fallen and lifeless. However, she concealed all her pain inside of her for only her to deal with. Tom could care less that he had just hurt her feelings. In fact, Katie could easily imagine him enjoying the fact. Her blue green eyes stole one last comforting glance at Nelson, who seemed to sense that something was wrong. He snorted loudly, tossing his head. Katie looked at him for almost a minute, as if she was waiting for him to finish something, a sentence. Slowly adverting her attention back to Tom, Katie nodded in what seemed like slow motion and said, "Just follow me." Her tones seemed perfectly normal; untouched by the pain that was growing in intensity. They were like they had always been: soft, gentle, and serious. Quickly, though, her mind thought of something else that she had been wanting to say but never did. "If you're going to apologize, Tom, please do so only if you really mean it, not because I'm your boss."

It was like word vomit, out before she could stop it. Lucky for her, though, her tones remained the same. Turning around to face the large open door, Katie walked slowly towards the end of the barn. She didn't appear to be paying attention to the last of Tom's word, though she caught everything he said. Her mind began to work the instant he finished, churning Tom's words into thoughts, actions, opinons. How could he not know that Katie was going to die tomorrow? As far as she knew, Tom wasn't a fortune teller or a doctor. What gave him that right? Swallowing all her thoughts and opinons as though they were nothing, Katie managed to whisper three single words.

"You never know."

((Are we gonna move the thread to the Back Barn?))

[TOM ;;]

Girls. They were so overdramatic it was sometimes physically painful. A sigh escaped me before I ran a hand through my massive tangled mess of hair. What was wrong? Good lord – I try to be honest and set things straight and this is what I get.

I ignored her comment on apologizing. I’d prefer to do whatever I please, thanks. “Sure your name isn’t brat?” The words were mumbled as I slowly slugged after the poor girl obediently.

I could apologize for what I wanted, I didn’t need her permission in what to apologize for. Besides, she was the one who misinteruprated the apology – it was her fault, not mine.

The quiet murmur of her words set me rigid, and the next thing I knew I had grabbed her, and spun her around to face me. “No. I don’t care who you are or what makes you this way. But you’re the one fighting, I’m not, the person next door to you isn’t, the stranger on the street isn’t. If you have no confidence in yourself – then yeah, you will most likely die tomorrow.” My gaze gave her a final glare before releasing her arm and like a child, stomping ahead to where I believed the Back Barn was.

Unfornutely, my bad luck was set again. I paused, stood with arms crossed against my chest as I peered out at the layout of the barns.

Of course, I had no clue where anything was. Which reminded me. “Where’s the Border’s Barn?” The question hung in the still air as I slowly slipped my gaze around, itching to call out for Scout. She’d come, she always came. But they moved her when I wasn’t here, and told me which barn she was in. But, unfortunately, not where the barn was.

With a final dip of a sigh, my head turned slightly, glancing back to where the girl stood, waiting for her response.
[/size]

[k a t i e ~]

Though Tom did know it, as Katie walked away, he heard his angry mumble, and more pain exploded inside of her. She swallowed and blinked twice, suddenly wanting to be alone from this..this..ugh. Tom. However, once again, she kept her pain concealed inside of her, in no mood to let it all out - not in front of smart alec Tom, though. She wouldn't do that, not ever. Not now. Not in a million years. Even if it sounded childish. She was never going to let Tom know how she really felt. Fate guarnteed that he would take advantage of her someone, and that was the last thing Katie wan't to happen. Questions swarmed her mind like misquitos. Buzzing, buzzing, striking, sucking. It was a giant cycle. Each time they sucked, it was like the little faith she had was slowly draining away. It didn't seem that Katie knew where she was going; wandering around, mind concentrating on something else. However, she knew the path so well that there was almost a rut.

When Katie felt an unfremilliar hand touch her, a huge, powerful hand, she couldn't help but jump. Suddenly, she was whipped around aggressivly, chocolate brown hair falling in front of her face, concealing her femine features. Katie's heart was pumping hard and she was so surprised she felt on the verge of tears. Was Tom going to strike her? Push her down? Beat her up? Mind fizzing with even more questions to make life more complicated, Katie felt forced to stare into Tom's eyes, something that she didn't enjoy at all. The hazel shade of his eyes seemed like nothing but an eerie darkness. However shocked Katie was, she somehow managed to pick up Tom's torrent of angery words. Here it was - his fit, his tantrum. He had exploded, but Katie was pretty sure that this was only the shrapnel. Imagine what the real explosion would have been like...swallowing fearfully, an emotion finally reflected in the sixteen year old's eyes: terror. Sheer terror. As she was shoved away from Tom, her tall riding boots made it nigh impossible to stand through all that wobbling.

Down she went. Katie still seemed shocked by the whole event...she even felt her hands trembling a bit. Slowly, however, the fear inside her was replaced by the usual pain and sorrow, and her eyes adopted the listless look. Carefully, Katie mumbled, "Is there a reason why you're treating me this way?"

[TOM ;;]

The air wasn’t as hot as it could have been, but I found my clothes sticking and peeling off my skin each step I turned. I could feel the sweat dripping from my forehead from just standing here under the wake of the sun.

The worst part? I was disgusted with myself. I had snapped, and I knew my temper was boiling – but I had scared the poor girl who was crumbled on the ground.

Of course, my gut reaction was to pick her up and place her right, maybe even offer a hand. But I didn’t. I couldn’t face the thought of touching her again. It worried me. I was terrified my own body would revolt against my mind and do it again.

So, merely, I stood were I was, but kept an eye focused on Katie as my hands slipped into the pockets of my jeans. My head was turned down, only a person who knew body language would determine it to be shameful.

Finally, I let out a paranoid sigh before angling a shoulder towards the girl, making it known I was paying attention but making no move to come near. I had finally decided to reply to her question. “Yes and no.” I paused, deciding only to publicly admit the yes part. “Katie, I can’t begin to understand how you feel about your disease. And I won’t try too. But the way you act .. you seem to know your going to die tomorrow. So, please, answer this – who’s in control, the disease, or you?”

My gaze shifted back to her, though only around her eyes, not making the contact that showed confidence in one’s self. “I’m sorry. And I mean it this time, not because you’re my boss.”

I could feel the sickness slowly eating up my insides, my stomach lurched and I had the slightest impression I was going to be sick. But, thankfully, I collected myself enough to look away from her and keep it under.

A struggling sigh left my nose, my mouth snapped shut as I stared out at the pastures ahead of me. My hands ran through my hair, and they rested at the base of my neck, elbows sticking out. Then I racked them back through, barely noticing the slight tingle of pain as I scratched.

I just needed to see Scout. That’s all I needed. Just five minutes alone and I’d be fine. I hadn’t seen her in two days – this day was starting on the third. My jaw thingyed, contemplating my next move as I eyed the barns surrounding the area.

I could leave, try to find Scout, but I’d end up getting lost. I could stay, but I didn’t trust myself that well. So, I had to talk.

My throat suddenly felt dry, bare like an exotic desert as I tried to talk. “Can you please tell me where the Border’s Barn is?” It was more of a pleading croak then a question, but I still couldn’t face her while talking.

[/size]

[k a t i e ~]

((-Insert dramatic novel post here- Enjoy!))

In this world, there are many things we cannot control. The weather, other people, fate, animals, natural disasters...the list wavers on and on. However, people can't seem to accept the fact that we can't control everything. Just because we're the supiror race doesn't give us the right to manipulate the weather or brainwash animals to the point of where they have no free thinking skills whatsoever. Many people seem to think that we can control everything, just because we can. Just because we have the power. Just because we want to. Now, tell me, what kind of reason is that? A fool's reason. People can't seem to see that every time we try to control something - the weather, for example - things end up being worse than what they could have been. In reality, trying to change things like that is simple unacceptable.

Oh Lord, when will this get through people's thick skulls?


She can't breathe anymore.
Can't deny what we know.
They're gonna find you, just believe.
You're not a person; you're a disease.

[/font][/center]

As Tom seemed to be debating whether or not to help Katie up, the sixteen year old was silently thinking about him, about his temper, him in general. The questions were surprisingly deep; complicated. It was amazing what Katie could hide from others and get away with it, like slipping an extra candy bar right under a parent's nose. You'll see it...you just have to look hard enough. Her hands were pressed firmly against the dirt and grass, leaving light imprints in the earth. She seemed to be in no hurry to get up. Katie didn't even seem embaressed by her clumsy fall. She was too focused on Tom and his actions to worry about embaressment. Shaggy, messy chocolate bangs concealed Katie's stunning blue-green eyes from Tom's arrogent set of hazel eyes...she enjoyed that fact. Never again did she want to stare into his eyes..all she had seen was coldness; a little black heart concealed behind anger. Though Katie wasn't one to judge, she couldn't help herself. She had given him a chance, and he blew it big time. She tried to be her version of kind, but it wasn't really her thing. She was never super-nice to someone right off the bat...in fact, it had been a while since she had made a friend. The only friends she could remember where horses: Bubba, Manny, and Nelson. Sure, there might have been a few childhood ones, but they failed to come to mind.

All these lives that you've been taking,
Deep inside, my heart is breaking.
Broken homes from separation.

When Tom flashed his shoulder to her, after a few minutes, Katie got the message. Hesitating a moment, as if fearful, the sixteen year old eased herself onto her feet, careful that she didn't topple over again. Her faded leather riding boots were coated in a thin layer of dirt and mud, but she didn't care one bit. That's what they were for. To get dirty, to muck out stalls. Even now, in this moment, many could easily tell that Katie was far from an oridinary sixteen year old. She didn't care what she wore, or if she looked good. She didn't care if her hair was frizzy or if she had one little pimple. She didn't care if she got horse snot on her, or horse manure, even. But Katie's different in so many more ways, inside and out. Some are obvious..Katie is depressed, and she's slowly slipping into the un-releasing hold of yet another depression. Medication never really helped; she actually felt worse. The only working perscription for her had been Bubba. He was her anti-depressent, her best friend. He was there to listen, and Bubba seemed to know that.

Don't you know it's violation?
It's so wrong, but you'll see.
Never gonna let you take my world from me.

It seemed that horse perscriptions would overall be the cure for Katie. Quicker than three months, Katie was well out of the hold of another depression. Everything in the world seemed to be in her favor. Until tragedy struck. Bubba colicced early in the morning, and sadly didn't survive the vicious attack. Katie's best friend was gone, zapped from this earth by a cruel force that would soon strike again with a more devastating blow. Katie, who was six at the time, gradually slipped into a depression, her best friend gone. Her perscription. Her medication. The motivation that was keeping her going, feeding her faith with each gentle nuzzle, was gone. Three years later, Katie had crawled out from the depths of non-existance, now nine. She had taken up ballet lessons as an alternative to going to Cedarbridge...she never wanted to go there again; it pained her too much to see Bubba's empty stall. She practiced for six months before her first solo recital, and her Mother, who had Lukiema, was supposed to be waiting for her backstage. Her Mother had always been confident about having Lukiema...she felt certain she was going to live until Katie grew into a "Lovely young lady".

Doesn't come down when she calls,
"It's time for breakfast."
The memories begin to fall.
She asks, "When will I be free?"

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Tom's question snapped her from her taunting reverie. She stared at him for a moment, lost, but quickly her ears began to work. Blue green eyes blinked twice, unsure. Chocolate brown hair spilled over one eye, and Katie didn't know what to think. She couldn't leave him hanging; he had asked her answer. Katie didn't think Tom was capable of coming up with such a deep question for thoughtful Katie, but she had been prepared. She had asked herself a question similliar to that one many times, yet she could never find a sutiable answer. Maybe it was because she knew the answer: Her Lukiema was in control, and she didn't want to face the facts. She knew all too well that it had a firm grip around her life - how she felt, what kind of friends she made, if any, her lifestyle, everything. And she had just...let it get away with it, like a small child getting away with stealing a toy from a friend with some stupid explanation. Why was she letting it get away? Why wasn't she stopping it? The answer sprung up in her mind instantly, and Katie herself even seemed surprised. "Because Mother was in control, and it still took her life." The thought of her Mother shot a deep pang of longing into Katie, causing her to half-grimace to herself, feeling tears try to prickle out of her eyes. Blinking them back, Katie knew she had answer. This question was inevitable. Swallowing, the sixteen year old hesitated to answer. This was the question they both knew the answer to, and Katie knew so. She didn't want to sound overly dramatic, but her story could easily make it on a soap opera or Oprah.

Shed the light on all the ones who never thought they would become.
A father, mother asking why this world can be so cold.

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"Tom, my Mother had Lukiema as well. She was a fighter. She was confident in herself. She...wanted to see me to grow up, and she was certain she was going to. She wasn't letting Lukiema control her life. She was free, independant. She wasn't about to let Lukiema take her." Katie paused, realizing she had raised her voice a bit. It had been ages since she had spoken to someone about her Mother, and tears were beginning to well up, threating to trickle down her cheeks for Tom to see. Blinking them back once more, Katie forced a swallowed and nearly had to force herself to continue talking. "...And do you know what happened? She died. Lukiema took her life, no matter how confident she was. No matter how happy she was. No matter how faithful, how hopeful she was, Lukiema was in control. Who cares that she had a daughter! Who cares that she had a family! Who cares that she had a life, people who loved her!" Katie was raising her voice by the second - she was beginning to let it out...all her thoughts, opinons, feelings..everything. And it was all going to land smack dab on Tom, someone she never wanted to hear these things. But now, here she was, screaming them at him, tones cacked with sorrow, anger, and confusion. Everything was blur; tears were streaming down Katie's face, and she didn't know what to think anymore. Realsing a giant, loud, and rather long sigh, Katie mumbled,

"Lukiema will always win in the end.

The Boarder's barn is the barn on your right."


All these lives that you've been taking,
Deep inside, my heart is breaking.
Broken homes from separation.
Don't you know it's violation?
It's so wrong, but you'll see.
Never gonna let you take my world from me.
The world outside these walls may know you're breathing,
But you ain't comin' in.
You ain't comin' in.

Posters hung on building walls
Of missing faces.
Months go by without the cause,
The clues, or traces.

They're gonna find you, just believe.
You're not a person; you're a disease.

All these lives that you've been taking,
Deep inside, my heart is breaking.

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[TOM ;;]

[cough] Tom’s eyes are GRAY. [cough]

The faint imprints of horses were scattered across the pastures, far and wide. The sound was normal, the whisper of wind, the challenge of vocals as they raced across the sky, the small thuds of hooves. Normal was safe, and safe was shelter.

Shelter was hard to find these days for myself. The calm feeling of elopement from the barn around me was enough. All I needed was the caress of new shavings, the stench of grains and the flurry of horse movement. And I was fine. No longer a troubled person, no longer just some kid. No longer that person who willed to be someone else, somewhere else.

No, it was just me. Just Thomas Mason. Maybe, if my life hadn’t rolled out the way it was I would have never had this experience. Never knew what was slowly eating me on the inside – never knew why I was unhappy, what I needed to fill the empty void inside me.

But the thing that counted was I did. I knew precisely what I needed. Like an addiction, I needed it. Craved it. My brow dipped, quiet in ponder as I stood there, rigid within the depths of my disgusting trance.

I still didn’t know why I had acted violent. And for once, I was terrified of myself. Paranoid that I would do it again – to Katie, to Scout, to anyone. How could I live with that? My breath was raspy, barely controlled as I fought the erupting pressure in my skull.

I was becoming more like him. That man, that stupid man who never knew anything. Stupid as a button, stronger than a bull. Why? Why was this happening right now, at this moment? I had barely lived two years with him. And each time I was disgusted with him, though I stayed in my submissive state. Unconsciously, my fingers scratched at the scars that were littered across my face.

This was my reason for the absurd clothing. I didn’t own anything without long sleeves at least to the elbow – no shorts, just jeans. Why flaunt your failures at life? My jaw moved, just barely as the emotion boiled just under the surface.

Ever since I could remember, I had been ashamed of myself. I was a ploy in people’s games. My family now? I was just there, just for a bragging right. Nothing else, nothing more. I was used for everything. Some days, I felt like some type of pack mule. No one had to go through this unwillingly.

And this was my view on horses. You couldn’t say “Do it.” You had to ask, “Will you do it?” You never control them. You partner up with them. Simple, easy.

However, I still found my communication levels with humans severely punctured. Horses had another language – a language I was learning with good time – but people, it was a horridly complex arrange of symbols that I only knew by instinct.

The people I grew up with were too opposite – no one could teach me the same way each time. Everyone was different, and this made my struggle with the concept.

I was a person who had to understand. Not by force, willingly took the time to figure out why. And the human nature? Something I was struggling right now.

Katie was obviously frazzled. And did I know what to do about it? No. She had just confessed a life story that I had no clue how to response too.

Instinct told me to hug her; she was bawling her eyes out – who wouldn’t? But I was still self conscious, unsure of how to deal with myself. I didn’t trust myself enough to take another step.

I stood there, now fully turned and staring at the mess of a girl in front of me quietly. “I – I – I’m sorry for bringing it up.” The words were spilling out of my mouth without much thought, though I wasn’t one to care.

First around, I couldn’t even begin to fathom what she was going through. I only had had Ace – a massive horse that was my friend when I was tiny – but no humans being ripped away from me so quickly.

I doubted I could even experience the same thing she did and feel the same. What people cared for me a way a mother would? Hopefully, my own – but she could be dead for all I knew. I had always daydreamed when I was younger that she’d come rushing up to me on what had seemed like a normal day and tell me how much she loved me and she only let me go because she loved me so much.

That’s what I kept telling myself as I lay awake in the night, gazing uselessly at the ceiling. It was times like these, that I truly wanted to see how relationships were suppose to happen.

And the prime example was withering away in emotion right in front of me. She had loved her mother – I had no doubt on the matter. But I had no way to tell her was alright – it wasn’t. I couldn’t bare to think of how to express to just ‘let it go’. You couldn’t, and I wouldn’t force her to.

Amazingly enough, all this time, I had ignored the whereabouts to where the Boarder’s barn was. It didn’t matter now. I couldn’t leave her like this. Even though every fiber in my body rang in panic for Scout, something small made me stay – curiously, like a young child at the first day of school. Afraid, curious, nervous, tense, ready for something to go wrong.

My gaze hadn’t straightened to Katie’s own yet, I still felt like she would see something there that would make her panic. And just like a horse, I didn’t want her to see myself as a predatory figure. Just another herd member.

Though I had brought it upon myself for her to see me this way. And though I had multiple excuses lingering on my tongue, I blamed none of them – only me. I could have been more thoughtful, but was I? No. Of course not.

Finally, I looked at her. Really looked at her as an equal before I let out a small sigh. Carefully, still cautious, I ambled towards her, trying not to seem tall and monstrous. Unfortunately, I was on every occasion, no matter if I wanted to or not.

But I stood in my stance of shoulders pushed down, not up and back as I gazed down at her. “Look, brat,” The name held no loathing, no malice, more casual tone of a nickname I had added in hopes of cheering the poor thing up. “I can’t understand what you’re going through, obviously. But .. but it’s alright, you know. I mean – it’s not alright your mom died and everything – just .. it’s alright. To let people know. Sure, some people will look at you with pity – but what’s the worst that’s going to happen? No one will tell you you’re a freak for having the same disease that took your mom. It’s just nature”

I paused, letting the awkward murmur of words set in before I finally grew enough confidence to allow my thumb to graze away her tears that littered her cheeks. “It’s okay. I’m sure your mom gave up quite a fight – but sometimes things are stronger. But don’t be cowardly – atleast give a fight.”

That was it. I was exhausted. I hated human interaction first off, and this was just overpowering. My figure immediately shifted, releasing her from my personal space and shifting out of hers. But I still kept an eye on her.

I didn’t want her to be afraid of me – far from it. And proving it now would be more difficult than a horse would.

My stance returned to it’s doormat state, gazing across the environment I was only half heartedly ready to call my new home. It was odd, I was expected to call each new place I called home. And now I was sick of it, sick of the changing, sick of the variables that surrounded my life. I wanted stable. A constant that I didn’t need to worry about as often as I do now.

With a troubled sigh, I took my gaze back to the shadows of horses across the pastures, though I kept half of my attention on Katie. My body was still tense, alert for a reaction.



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